Where did I go?

There was a time not too terribly long ago (Ok it's starting to get pretty long ago now) that I actually put an effort into me.  I took pride in dressing nicely and feeling positively about my appearance.  I've never been the prettiest or the thinnest person, but I when I looked in the mirror I didn't hate what I saw and I felt pretty confident about who I was.

Today is not that day.  We went to go and pick up a new to us washer and dryer set today.  I have been without a washing machine for about three months now.  When ours died we weren't really sure what we wanted.  Did we want to scour the online garage sale sites and buy something off of there?  Did we want to go and get something brand new?  Top loader and cheaper?  Front loader and more expensive?  Too many questions and not enough motivation got me to a place where I was without any means to clean the 8 members of this household's clothing. For 3 months. 

We occasionally made super huge trips to the Laundromat where I would spend $20 in quarters and wash what seemed like everything we owned.  My brother in law has a washing machine in his shop and my husband would drop loads off there and pick them up.  But it wasn't good enough and it was time for a new washing machine before I went insane.  We found a set that was within a reasonable price range and where what we were looking for and everything worked out for them to be picked up today.

Now six kids 8 and under has me slightly frazzled.  My house in always messier than I'd like and let's be realistic, there is very little decorating done.  Everything feels unfinished.  I attempt to get a room done the second I'm not pregnant. We get close to getting somewhere and then new pregnancy= complete exhaustion, knocked back down.  When we got to the house today, the owner and I began talking.  It turns out our children were in the same class at school (very small everyone knows each other type of place) and they had just started there this year.  Yes, she only has 3 kids and her youngest 2 were in kindergarten, but I just couldn't get over how nice her house looked.  Pictures that she had chosen were up in a very conscious effort of a way. 

But that's not the part that really bugged me.  What drove me nuts was the difference between the two of us.  I usually make some sort of an effort for myself. (although I've been discovering more and more lately how little that effort has been and how far behind I am in terms of anything fashionable.) It's not like I'm showing up in pajama pants (personal hatred right there.  You're not sleeping.  Put on some damn pants lazy ass.) However, I am not by any means put together.  Today for instance, I am wearing ill fitting jeans, a big huge messy sweatshirt (an homage to the fact that the temperature is once again in the negatives) with something all over it, face sans makeup and hair that hasn't been brushed in a minimum of two days and thrown up into a very messy and unbecoming pony tail. Just yuck. 



I keep holding back from buying new clothes because a. I'm always pregnant and I have plenty of maternity clothes and b.  I am not anywhere near the size I like to be.  It's so hard to buy clothing in a size that I'm really hoping won't fit me for too long.  Ugh but after taking a good long look at myself I think it's that time.  Time to do something, anything for me.  Perhaps tomorrow I shall start with an eyebrow wax and perhaps I'll attempt to wrangle a brush through these insane tresses.