Just Because

Just because I had 6 children in 7 1/2 years doesn't mean that I don't understand birth control and that they were accidents.  No, I don't use birth control.  I use NFP and I love the way that it works WITH my body.  But I wanted children close together and I was open to whatever came my way.

Just because I choose to make my children my life and be a stay at home mom does not mean that I am poor and uneducated.  I am in fact neither of those things.  I have an education.  We are completely and totally comfortable with our financial circumstances.  If we were not, I would reevaluate what we needed to do.  I will have plenty of time to work outside the home when they are not little.  For now, I am working on them.

Just because I was married young and had my children young does not mean that we were married because I was pregnant.  #1  was born 14 months after we were married.  Thank you very much.

Just because I am Catholic doesn't mean that I HAD to have a large family.  We wanted one.  Simple as that.  There are plenty of Catholic families that follow church teachings and don't have a ton of children.    That just wasn't what we wanted.

Just because I believe in God doesn't mean that I didn't research my faith to get a better understanding and then come into by my own choice.  I did.  I love the Catholic faith and all of it's rich traditions. There was a time in my life where I was very angry at God and it would have been much easier to just abandon everything I believed in.  But I wanted it, worked for it, and have been able to come to my faith with a much richer understanding of suffering.

Just because I make grammar mistakes often in my blog doesn't mean I don't know how to write. It just means that I am trying to go quickly before a child wakes up or that the distractions are many and I am not able to tune them out.

Just because I never saw this coming doesn't mean that I am not trying my best to embrace everything that is coming at me.

Where did I go?

There was a time not too terribly long ago (Ok it's starting to get pretty long ago now) that I actually put an effort into me.  I took pride in dressing nicely and feeling positively about my appearance.  I've never been the prettiest or the thinnest person, but I when I looked in the mirror I didn't hate what I saw and I felt pretty confident about who I was.

Today is not that day.  We went to go and pick up a new to us washer and dryer set today.  I have been without a washing machine for about three months now.  When ours died we weren't really sure what we wanted.  Did we want to scour the online garage sale sites and buy something off of there?  Did we want to go and get something brand new?  Top loader and cheaper?  Front loader and more expensive?  Too many questions and not enough motivation got me to a place where I was without any means to clean the 8 members of this household's clothing. For 3 months. 

We occasionally made super huge trips to the Laundromat where I would spend $20 in quarters and wash what seemed like everything we owned.  My brother in law has a washing machine in his shop and my husband would drop loads off there and pick them up.  But it wasn't good enough and it was time for a new washing machine before I went insane.  We found a set that was within a reasonable price range and where what we were looking for and everything worked out for them to be picked up today.

Now six kids 8 and under has me slightly frazzled.  My house in always messier than I'd like and let's be realistic, there is very little decorating done.  Everything feels unfinished.  I attempt to get a room done the second I'm not pregnant. We get close to getting somewhere and then new pregnancy= complete exhaustion, knocked back down.  When we got to the house today, the owner and I began talking.  It turns out our children were in the same class at school (very small everyone knows each other type of place) and they had just started there this year.  Yes, she only has 3 kids and her youngest 2 were in kindergarten, but I just couldn't get over how nice her house looked.  Pictures that she had chosen were up in a very conscious effort of a way. 

But that's not the part that really bugged me.  What drove me nuts was the difference between the two of us.  I usually make some sort of an effort for myself. (although I've been discovering more and more lately how little that effort has been and how far behind I am in terms of anything fashionable.) It's not like I'm showing up in pajama pants (personal hatred right there.  You're not sleeping.  Put on some damn pants lazy ass.) However, I am not by any means put together.  Today for instance, I am wearing ill fitting jeans, a big huge messy sweatshirt (an homage to the fact that the temperature is once again in the negatives) with something all over it, face sans makeup and hair that hasn't been brushed in a minimum of two days and thrown up into a very messy and unbecoming pony tail. Just yuck. 



I keep holding back from buying new clothes because a. I'm always pregnant and I have plenty of maternity clothes and b.  I am not anywhere near the size I like to be.  It's so hard to buy clothing in a size that I'm really hoping won't fit me for too long.  Ugh but after taking a good long look at myself I think it's that time.  Time to do something, anything for me.  Perhaps tomorrow I shall start with an eyebrow wax and perhaps I'll attempt to wrangle a brush through these insane tresses.

So cold

As I drove the girls to school yesterday morning, the temperature said -6 degrees.  Which is incredibly fun when you have to get six kids bundled up and outside for the drive to school.

As this time of year hits in Minnesota, I go into full out hibernation mode.  We bake cookies like mad.  (Which helps that it's Christmas time and all and I can feel like I've gotten into the Christmas spirit at least a teeny bit.)

Last night we took all the kids up to Minneapolis to see the Holidazzle parade. It's a light parade and the kids all love it.  However with the super cold temperatures, we didn't want to sit outside on the street.  Thank goodness for the crazy tubes that connect all of the buildings via skyways throughout the city and we didn't have to go outside at all.  We were able to sit above the road and watch the parade go by.

Anxiously awaiting the parade.

Afterwards we just walked around.  My kids absolutely love all of the decorations up and I love to watch the wonder in their eyes.  We only had one total and complete meltdown and I was able to calm him and myself down enough that we were able to get the oldest 5 in a picture.

Funny faces.

After we let them get that out of their systems.




Never can get all of them looking.



 

The skyways are such a lifesaver when the below zero temps hit.  Now today after a morning after playing the kiddos are all snuggled up watching a movie and keeping warm.  Finally, a baby who is getting too incredibly big on me.

Stupid camera phone and constant red eye.

 

Some day eventually I will catch up with technology and actually edit red eye out of pictures.  Today isn't going to be that day though.

Treading water

A friend once described this phase of motherhood, where there is always a baby underfoot like treading water.  Sometimes it's all you can do, just to keep your head above water and gaining ground is futile. I feel like I've been in that zone for the past 8 or so years.  Just keeping us all alive and fed seems to be the maximum that I can do.

For me though that phase doesn't really apply to having a newborn.  Having a sweet, squishy, crying in the middle of the night, needy, needy, needy baby is second nature.  (Perhaps because I've been doing it, constantly.)  Drive to New York with a 2 month old baby and 5 other kids?  Bring it on.  I've got this.  I am obviously super tired but coffee and I are totally bestirs and I can run on little to no sleep.

It's that stinking being pregnant that kills me.  When I am pregnant I am my least favorite person. EVER. I am sooooooo tired all the time.  It's like that tiny little peanut butter that's barely a blip can just suck the stinking life right out of me.  I walk around in a zombie like state and the kids eat a lot of pizza.  (Which merits approximately zero complaints because if I would let them, they would eat pizza for three meals a day. Any pizza at all. There is zero preference under this roof.)

Although I agree that it can feel like treading water, I think it's more like walking through pudding or jello, or some other sticky sort of material that requires extreme effort.  Yes things like sickness and the like generally act like a tide and pull me back, the last mile or so that I've worked for, but I am gaining ground.  Slowly but surely, especially with a  few older kids thrown into the mix, we are getting somewhere. 


Yesterday was Thanksgiving.  Getting six kids dressed appropriately, clean, and hair done on all  of the girls is tantamount to a herculean feat sometimes.  Forget getting my crazy, frizzy, turning into my mother more each day hair under control and squeezing into some semblance of an outfit myself. Ah! Plus trying to get whatever contribution we are bringing food wise finished. (In yesterday's case a nice and easy fruit salad.) We totally rocked it out though. 

My husband was out doing chores and we had about 30 minutes before we had to go, when #2 announced that she couldn't wash her hands well because there was no water pressure in the bathroom.  #3 and I had been busily washing and cutting fruit and I hadn't noticed any problem in the kitchen, so I turned it on to check and it started running veeerrrrryyyyyy slowly.  I didn't worry about it too much because my husband had said something about possibly working on some water lines out in the barn and continued on my way.  He came in and was not in fact working on water lines.  I had 5 (Baby was still napping)  clean dressed children all reading stories, fruit salad prepared, and no water for my very stinky husband to shower with.  He ran around investigating and called the guy who fixes wells. (What is that called?  Well fixer seems about as close as I'm getting to a job title.) 

Pigs need water and it's cold in these here parts of Minnesota, and so it was not looking good for leaving.  I called my mother in law to see if she had any extra seats in her vehicle for some incredibly disappointed children.  She said they'd figure something out and #1-4 could ride along with them. I got them there while hubby ran to get a water tank and attempt to rig something or other that I will never understand, no matter how long I live on a farm.  (How does he just know what to do with these things?  I have zero understanding of the mechanics of anything. At all. Ever.)  Just as I was a few miles from home, he called me back to announce that the well fixer up man would be stopping over after he hate (Thank you God!)  After a quick shower at his parents house, we were off again just a bit late.  We arrived just as dinner was finishing up and had a lovely time with all of the extended family. 

Even when I am gaining ground in the area of child rearing and am able to get everyone ready, there is always something going on.  I'll continue walking through this sticky stuff, when it gets too be too overwhelming, ask for help and pray to God that it remains enough for me to bare. Never a quiet moment around these parts.

Hoarders- The Keller edition.

When I am pregnant ( aka 75% of the time....) I am a horrible housekeeper.  I do basic daily things that need to be done:
-Dishes
-Laundry
-Sweep
-Mop
-Vacuum (or just let Roomba do it and pretend that I've spent a hard day running the vacuum)
-General wiping down of surfaces.

 

But the big things; the organizing, getting rid of too small clothes, wrong season clothes, toys that no one plays with, broken toys, half eaten toys....,those things go on the back burner.  Mostly because I am so freaking exhausted all I want to do is sleep when I have a free second.  (Or heck when I am sitting up reading a book to a child.  It's happened, judge away.) 


So currently not pregnant me is going nuts trying to get things back into the order I like them to be in.  (Slightly cluttered but in no way dirty and disgusting.  High standards baby!) I finished going through all of the girls' room and their clothes have been taken care of.  Keeping it that way for more than 5 seconds is another story entirely.  So my next goal is the kids playroom.  Christmas is coming and I'm sure that the kids will have plenty of new toys.  I need to make sure the ones that they have all have a place and that there is room for new ones to come in.  So what I'm looking for is any and all tips. 


I don't think anyone but my sisters are reading this but HELP!  (And I absolutely love that my sisters are reading this.  They're the best!) Besides the obvious things like throwing away broken toys and donating toys that aren't played with, What can I do?  What do you do that helps to make sure kids can clean up after themselves and to avoid me walking through a minefield every time I go upstairs?


This is the room as it is right now. We have not actually touched this room since we moved in here, except for having my father in law build some new shelves for the closet.  What I'm hoping for will be a major overhaul.  Including new paint and shelves and whatever.  Keep in mind that it is completely and totally trashed at this point.





Right side of closet currently.



Right side of closet with a shocked boy who is supposed to be cleaning up the playroom.

 

Left side of closet.

 

Don't you just love the wallpaper??

 

Starting to get organized.

 

A giant and complete mess....

So hopefully by posting my before pictures and getting some tips, I can motivate myself to get it to the done phase and post some after pictures sooner rather than later.

Half a dozen.

Having 6 kids is a lot of work.  Most days I'm completely exhausted by the evening.  There are times that I second guess our decision. Because yes, it was a decision.  We chose to have 6 kids  This isn't something that "just happened" and we consciously decided that we wanted a big family.

 My husband is the oldest of 6.  I am the youngest of 6.  We both loved coming from big families.  I am eight years younger than my next oldest sibling.  I had the best of both worlds for a lot of things.  When it came time for having siblings, I had them.  When it was easier to be an only child.  I kinda had that too.  With so many years difference between my siblings and I, there wasn't a huge chance for me to bond with them when I was younger.  They all took care of me and loved me, but I never really had the opportunity to do "sisterly" things. I never stayed up late gossiping with my sisters, went shopping together, shared clothes or took a family vacation where I had to share a bed with them.  There was never shared jokes and bantering. By the time I came around, most of them were moving on with their own lives.  My oldest niece is only 2  years younger than me and I was closer to my nieces than I was to my sisters. 

That's changed as I became an adult and as life and difficult circumstances occurred.  I loved them and looked to them for advice, support and love.  Unfortunately as that changed, I also moved about 1,000 miles away.  I feel that distance so strongly now as I raise so many children so often on my own.  Having a sibling that I love and trust living closely, would be the greatest thing in the world to me right now.  Whenever I go "home" , my kids have the best experiences.  They have cousins of all ages that will go and do things with them.  Even though there is such a huge age gap between my siblings and I, there isn't quite such a large age gap between my children and some of their cousins.  (Getting married young had it's benefits!) They have aunts and uncles that I fully trust and that invite them to do things and to spend time with.  No one else in my family lives more than 20 minutes away from the house that I grew up in.  The life we would live if we didn't move to my husbands home town would be so completely different than the life we live now.

A fraction of the cousins on my side.

That being said, the circumstances that have been the reasons we chose to move here are still in place. It is much easier for my husband to farm here.  So here we shall stay.  I will make the best with what I have.  What I do have is so incredibly great. I have six healthy children.  I have a husband who loves me and our family.  I have the opportunity to foster the relationships that my children are forming with their siblings.  I may not have grown up sharing clothes but my children sure are.  They love being able to pass things back and forth, and when they can't find something that they want or need, they can reach into their siblings dresser or closet and pull something on. I am able to see my daughters holding their brother's hands as we cross the road.  I see the joy in my 1 year olds face when she sees her sisters coming out from school and I can watch her run to hug her brothers when they come in from playing outside. 

This past summer my husband had the five children out on the boat.  Baby was still cooking and I was on bed rest.  #5 was sitting on the edge splashing her feet in the water while they were anchored out.  My husband turned his back for a minute and she decided that it was a good time to jump in.  She had a life jacket on and the water was shallow.  Before my husband could even react #3 had dived in after her and #4 was running to the edge of the boat to get his baby sister. Neither one of them could swim well ,even with their life jackets, but that wasn't going to stop them from protecting their sister. 

So yeah, I've got 6 kids.  Yes they are all very close in age.  Yes it is a ton of work. Yes I really may be insane.  But as long as they are loving each other and learning about the importance of caring for others, then it's worth it.

My weekend in rewind

This weekend started off optimistically good.
We had a lot going on but it was all manageable, and my husband was going to be home! Things with two adults always seem easy when you've been doing them,  struggling but still accomplishing them, with one.

 

 Friday night

 

I had to take #1 to dance class for her solo practice. I had told my husband that since the oldest two had been being such great helpers, I was going to take them both on a girls date as well.  My husband was completely exhausted and I discovered that not only had he been working like crazy the past few days, he was also averaging two hours of sleep a night.  Lovely.  I decided to take #5 with me as well.

Girls night!

  (#3 &#4 were busy combining with Grandpa)  We went out for a fun dinner and then did some girly shopping before dropping #1 off.  About five minutes before dropping her off Grandpa called, #4 was falling asleep and could I come get him.  Nope.  I couldn't as a matter of fact. We finished up some errands, picked #1 back up and then went to get the boys.  Bedtime had more than passed and #5 fell asleep on the drive home.  We get to the front door with everyone exhausted only to discover my hubby had turned all the lights off and locked the doors.  He had no real memory of doing it and must have been half asleep.  We tried calling him, knocking, screaming, shining a flashlight in his bedroom, and just generally making a ton of a ruckus.  To no avail.  After about 20 minutes he appeared in our bedroom doorway, looked at us, turned around and shut the door.  All of the kids started bawling hysterically except for #1.  I was pretty sure we were going to have to go and get the ladder for the second time this week.  Thankfully he woke up enough within a few minutes to actually open the door. (The next morning he had no memory of opening the door and looking at us either.  He couldn't figure out why everyone was crying so much. Hmmm go figure, not sleeping doesn't allow you to function)

 

Saturday

 

We started the day with some cleaning of bedrooms and other chores.  Shortly after 10 we started getting 1-4 ready for hockey.  They are all in a learn to skate program and although there was some resistance by #1 at first, they all love it now.  (And they all can skate independently!) Afterwards we grabbed lunch and dropped some clothes off at a Laundromat.  Have I mentioned that I have not had a washing machine for over two months?  With six kids?  And a newborn?  Oh yes that's been fun.  We finally got home and the kids went upstairs to do some quiet reading.  At which point #2 started screaming hysterically.  She ran down the stairs screaming "MOUSE!!"  After 3 1/2 years of living in a very old house in the country, I am used to mice.  (Well, not quite used to because they still freak me the heck out and I have traps everywhere and my kitchen is meticulously cleaned and checked constantly.)  My dear sweet husband went upstairs, caught the mouse by the tail,  and brought it to me so I could freak out, screech and have a panic attack.  Finally he brought it outside to the porch, and showed it to our kitten.  My children all watched through the large glass windows leading out to our porch as the mouse was taken care of by said kitty.  I can honestly say that if this had occurred to me even five years ago, I would have been an absolute mess.  Nothing surprises me anymore though.

#6 With our ferocious mouse eating kitten, Mary.

 

Once everyone was quieted down from the mouse situation, my husband decided to take a quick nap before a banquet we were going to for the kids' saddle club.  The second he laid down, he received a text message from his brother.  It said simply, "We are done ripping for awhile"  with this picture attached:

 

Any thought of a nap went out the window and he headed out to investigate. 

 

 

By the time he returned, it was time to get everyone ready to go to the saddle club end of the year banquet.  #1 has had a difficult year riding. She loves to do it but is so cautious about everything she does.  She was so excited to get grand champion for pony pleasure age 13 & under, reserve champion for pony horsemanship, and 3rd place for pony barrels.  So proud of her!

#1 and Mitsy

 

#2 Didn't get an award this year.  It was difficult for her, but she was ok.  She knows that next year she will have to really work hard and hopefully she can get an award.  # 3 got a plaque for reserve champion in costume and lead line.  #4 won grand champion for costume class and 3rd place in lead line. It was a fun night, but we left just as they were starting bingo because some of the younger ones were fading.  And in all honesty I have no idea how my husband was even alive still.  He makes it impossible for me to complain about being tired, because he is always much more tired than me!

Sunday

Finally came our "day or rest"  We went to church,  the oldest two had faith formation afterwards, and then hubby cooked a huge Sunday breakfast.  Hubby took children to help combine with grandpa and the uncles.  They all had a blast driving around in the tractors that hadn't caught on fire this weekend, the semi trucks and of course the combine with Grandpa. 

 

 

Now we are back to our normal weekly grind.  Maybe next weekend will be a bit more uneventful?





How dare I shower?

Last night my husband didn't come home.  He drives truck and lately his hours have been INSANE.  Since he was gone alllllllll (yes when I am alone all day with 6 kids, it does require that many l's) day yesterday, and he just told me he will not be home until tomorrow afternoon, I had to go out and check on the pigs and make sure that the cows got watered.  I got both babies down for their morning naps and headed outside with my two older boys.  It didn't take us long and since they didn't actually go in the barns,  I let them watch a show while I showered.  What the heck was I thinking?  I finished up only to discover both boys upstairs.  They had taken the entire case of paper towels that I had just purchased and unrolled EVERY SINGLE SHEET.

Their little book reading nest.

Not only that but they also took all of their blankets and sheets off of their beds and created a sort of reading area with books under their bunk beds.  They are little.  Their room is almost always a mess.  But come on.  I really thought I was getting ahead today.  My kitchen is clean-something that very rarely happens. I did pig chores!  Which ok, isn't that hard since we only have one barn of pigs at the moment but I still did them. Kids were all preoccupied while I showered and I was feeling pretty darn good. 

The boys are now entrenched in their clean up efforts.  I have instructed them to start rolling the towels back up. 

Sitting amidst his nest and working hard.

 



Wearing sunglasses because it's cool to be bad? Or something like that.....
 

I am fully aware that I am not in fact getting anywhere.  Ever.  But man, it sure would be nice if just once I could pretend.  Never saw this coming for sure.

Locked out

My four year old is going through a phase where he loves to be in charge.  One of the things he loves to do is lock doors.  It has led to quite a few children pounding on the front door trying to get in recently.  We had a discussion about why it wasn't a good idea and it wasn't too big of deal because someone was always on the inside.  Until today that is.

I was busy loading the youngest 4 into the minivan to head to a class my preschoolers take, I buckled in the 1 year old and ran back in to grab the baby. I  reached for the door and it was of course, locked.  There are four doors to get into our house and I ran around to all of them. Every. Single. Stinking.  Door.  LOCKED! I called my husband to see if he had a key in his shop somewhere.  No such luck.

I began really freaking out at this point. I could see the baby through a window and could also tell that the window in our entryway was (Thank you Jesus!) unlocked. Ran to the garage, grabbed a ladder, and pried the screen out of a window.

The way in


 
 
Picked up the amazing lockmaster of a four year old and hoisted him through the window.  Thankfully he is as good at unlocking as locking and was able to let me in. 

Iron Man, slightly blurry villain and superhero of this story





Thankfully baby was as happy as a slightly sleepy clam and we were able to continue on our way just slightly late. 

What's the big deal guys?

 Oh man. I never saw this coming.






Super mom

I am not super mom.  I try really hard but it doesn't seem to work.  I love that my husband works so hard to make sure that we have the things we need.  It is currently Saturday though and the last time I saw him was for a few hours last Wednesday.  With 6 kids, that means I've hit an extreme level of exhaustion roughly on Wednesday evening..... 

On Thursday of this week we had dance.  Now that's not something that's special to us because we also had dance on Monday and Tuesday.  During the day we met up with my husband's aunt and her three little ones at the Children's museum in Saint Paul.  The kids love the museum and I know that they will be completely exhausted by the end of it. Always a bonus when the temperatures start to drop and the kids aren't outside quite as much.  We had a blast up there as usual and on the way back all 4 of the little ones were all passed out. 

My proud little dancers.



We picked up the oldest two girls, grabbed a quick snack, changed for dance and were off again.  Thursday is our 3 class day.  My boys (ages 3 and 4) both adore dance.  The 4 year old has started to feel pressure about being the only boy in his class though and decided he will be quitting next year. However he made this same pronouncement last year and changed his mind at the last second.  We live roughly 30 minutes from the dance studio so it doesn't make a lot of sense for us to head home.  We ran some errands during the boys classes and when I dropped off my oldest, I allowed the kids to watch a movie and eat some pizza.  I hate eating in the Yukon but it was cold and we're not allowed to bring any food into the hallway where we have to wait during classes so I have had to make some choices.  With a large group of hungry children some pizza and movie sounded like the perfect way to pass the hour. After about 15 minutes it was getting very warm and instead of just turning down the heat I turned off the vehicle.  I had planned to turn it back on very shortly but I basked in the sounds of my kids singing along nicely to the movie and enjoyed a slice of my own. Five minutes before it was time for my oldest to come out I turned the key and discovered-you got it- no battery life. 

My lovely husband was on the road and I knew he wasn't anywhere near us, so I started calling friends.  My dear dear friend Maria (mother of 5) responded with jumper cables and we decided we could of course jump my vehicle by ourselves.  We most certainly could not.  It was extremely dark and neither one of us had ever jumped a vehicle before.  We would think we had it and every time we tried, nothing .  It didn't help that both of us were deathly afraid of shocking ourselves and with my luck, there is always a very real chance that I will start myself on fire.  So with 6 kids sitting in a very dark car, we tried again and again.  Finally we had to call in reinforcements.  They came in the form of her brother in law who was working on getting his own children in bed.  He rushed over with a flashlight and hooked us up correctly and after another few minutes, the vehicle was able to start and we were off.  It took us about an hour all in all. 

So often people tell me that they can't believe how much I do and that I'm like supermom.  I think in most ways, I like that view of myself.  I like feeling independent and knowing that for the most part, I am rocking it.  My kids all work together and we can accomplish almost anything.  But that feeling of I can do it all is so often blown apart when I realize how much I need help.  I need a hand from friends and family and I get so sick of always trying to do it on my own. As I struggle with this aspect of my life I see how often I am doing the daily life stuff and not even turning to God like I want to.  I know that it's important that I don't try to do it all, but to just let God do it.  Even in those times that I am completely going bonkers, He's there and if I don't let him in to help, then I'll never feel at ease or at peace with what I'm doing.  My goal this week is to ask for help more but for now, someone is screaming help.  Supermom is off to the rescue.

The why of it all.

I don't know what on earth I'm doing, or exactly why I've decided to do it.  I started reading mommy blogs not too long ago.  I loved seeing women like me, struggling with the same things that I'm struggling with.  I live in the middle of nowhere.  I do not know my "neighbors" and my family is about 1,000 miles away.  Reading other blogs has helped me connect with moms in a weird way.

So to start it off, I'm a mom.  I have 6 kids.  Yes that does mean I'm Catholic and I love my faith.  I live on a pig farm in Minnesota.  I'm originally from Buffalo, New York and whenever I go back "home" to visit my family I always hear the shocked responses from friends and family that knew me back when.  I can honestly say that I never saw my life going this direction.  With each twist and turn and unexpected surprise I say to myself I never saw this coming but I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here we go.